Don--Cunt--and Robe

There are some mediocre men/women/boy/girls leading the masses. Some may be annoying and others may be dolts, but they all are loathsome at best--or at most.

--Madonna--

I have always been under the impression that Madonna is one of the world's most mediocre creations of the last thirty years. But was she always mediocre? Let's examine this: when Madonna arrived on the scene in 1982 with the single Everybody, Everyone was feeling her. At the time, her style was unique and people thinking she was something different decided to to emulate her. In 86' Madonna released the album True Blue, which is a decent album. In 89' Madonna released the album Like a Prayer, which has some decent tracks. After Like a Prayer, Madonna took a three year break to make a few shitty movies--Dick Tracy and another film a cannot remember the name of --and became interested in fucking Warren Beatty. In 92' Madonna made her immaculate return with the album Erotica, which is the start of her simulacra era. Erotica--in my estimation--is garbage; it portrays itself as liberating and groundbreaking, but it comes off as moaning and toadying. The same year--1992-also saw the release of Madonna's Sex book, which the material girl used as an avenue to show off her intimate side. By the mid 90's--with Bedtime Stories--Madonna decided to go New Jack on us all and got her nose pierced. A couple years later, she started fuckin' random Latin men and had a kid, scared us with her acting chops, and performed a song for the soundtrack for the second Austin Powers movie. In 98' Madonna released Ray of Light. During this time, Madonna also became spiritual; she was now a full fledged Kabbalist. I really do not know what Madonna was trying to do with this; the album is quite schizophrenic. Is it a pop album? Is it an atmospheric album? Is it a trip hop album? If you are making an atmospheric album, one has to concive it into an entire loop--every song has to play off the previous song. But Madonna likes money, so she has to have a few singles on the album. I guess Madonna does not care about strcuture. Last year, Madonna released an new album geared at hipsters and wasters. The album, which is titled Hard Candy, features the chops of some of today's hottest producers: Pharrell Williams, Timbaland, and Kanye West. Also, Justin Timberlake makes an appearnce on the album's first single, Four Minutes to change the World. Madonna is also pictured wearing spandex on the album's cover; she looks like an old lady at jazzercise. Some people would assume that my dislike of the modern Madonna is due in part to her open doors policy. Honestly, I could care less that Madonna, at age fifty, is still a rabid whore. What I don't like about Madonna is that she has now become comfortable and determined to stay young and not age gracefully.

--Diablo Cody---

Born in Lemont and grown at Benet, Diblo was born to break the scene in Minneapolis. The first time I heard of the Cod--ster was when I read here blurb for the recent Replacements book. I guess she arrived in Robinsdale--without receving her knocks--a couple years ago. Juno was even crafted at the place where I bought Leonardo--circa 1989. Anyways, Blo is an oscar winner and a pack sacker ex...she is not worth a home depot hot dog...

--Josh "Robspiere" Peck--

What the fuck?